


The Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Files

by mambo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I don't even know how to tag this, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 06:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 7,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6742705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mambo/pseuds/mambo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky adopt a magical Pomeranian named Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. These are their adventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

**Author's Note:**

> So this whole thing started as a weird joke between me and my friend Lauren (firstginger on Tumblr -- go follow her) when she was housesitting one night. Somehow it has become my legacy. This is a collection of the fics, ficlets, and headcanons I've written about Jacques-Ignace de la Touche over the past year. Some of these have already been posted on mambo writes fluffy tumblr prompts, but I wanted to keep everything together as its own separate entity.

“It is of the utmost importance that you do _not_ leave this dog alone, Captain.”

Steve looks at the dog. “Does he have a name?”

Doctor Strange sighs. “Jacques-Ignace de la Touche.”

“Pardon?” Bucky asks with a slight French intonation. Steve snorts. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche sticks out its little pink tongue and pants.

Doctor Strange narrows his eyes. “Do you really think so low of me, Sergeant Barnes?”

Bucky shrugs. “It is a Pomeranian,” he explains, looking down at the panting ball of tan fluff.

“He’s a rescue.”

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche looks up at Bucky with something close to adoration. Bucky looks down with something akin to terror. This will probably be Steve’s favorite mission _ever_.

**…**

“We’re glorified dog sitters,” Bucky complains, collapsing onto their couch. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche trots along behind him, then struggles to get up to where Bucky is with his short little legs. Bucky grins at Jacques-Ignace de la Touche with a mocking sparkle in his eyes. That is until Steve scoops the pup up and plops him down on Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s eyes widen as Jacques-Ignace de la Touche waddles to Bucky’s shoulder and plops down for a little rest, snuggling close to his cheek.

Steve takes out his phone and snaps a picture. Definitely the best mission ever.

“Doctor Strange just needs us to look after the little guy for a week. We’re superheroes. We can handle it.”

“Maybe you can handle it,” Bucky mutters as Steve makes the photo the background of his phone. “But this is the end for me. I can barely take care of myself, let alone an animal.” As if on cue, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche huffs a little in his sleep, breath warm against Bucky’s cheek. Bucky looks up at Steve, half-panicked. “The guy should’ve called _Sam_.”

“Sam’s on vacation in Honolulu. Would you really take that away from him?”

Bucky groans.

“Shh,” Steve responds, sitting on the easy chair next to the couch. “You’ll wake Jacques-Ignace de la Touche.”

**…**

“What’s so special about him?” Bucky asks on Day 3 as he pours water from the Brita filter he bought yesterday for ‘No reason at all Steve, what’s with the interrogation, Jesus Christ you’re so annoying’ into the little white bowl they’ve been using for Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. The pup himself yips at Bucky’s feet, and Bucky pretends to be annoyed as he heads to the fridge to get the home-cooked dog food he’d made the night before out.

“Every living creature is special, Buck. Remember your therapy—“

“Jesus Christ Steve, I’m not gonna murder the little asshole.” He spoons out the food into another piece of Steve’s nice china, then mashes it down so that the depth is equal on all parts before putting it in the microwave. “I’m just wondering how Jacques-Ignace de la Touche ended up with Stephen Strange of all people, that _and_ why we’re never supposed to let him be alone.”

Steve frowns as Bucky putters around the kitchen island, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche following him with as much adoration as usual. If Steve weren’t so smitten with Bucky himself, he may’ve been jealous that the only attention the little pup gives him is when Bucky has physically been out of the house. And usually it’s to make Steve take him to go pee. Anyhow, attention aside, Steve’s been thinking about Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s relationship with Doctor Strange himself. Not that he doesn’t like Doctor Strange, but he doesn’t seem the type to take in a rescue teacup Pomeranian with attention issues.

“Not sure,” Steve admits as the microwave beeps. The noise makes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche give a little growl, which makes Bucky laugh. Steve smirks, and Bucky blushes and scowls, muttering something about, “It was cute Jesus Christ Steve gimme a goddamn break” as he opens the microwave and pokes at the meat, making sure it’s warm enough.

Steve can’t help but wonder if Doctor Strange wouldn’t mind giving them the pup permanently.

**…**

Things are uneventful until Day 6, when a crazed man orders his flock of genetically-engineered ravens to attack the city while he stands atop the point on the Chrystler Building, laughing.

“How does he balance?” Bucky asks, holding a wide-eyed, panting Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. One would think that he’d be nervous, what having Bucky grab him in the middle of the day, take him on a motorcycle, then run around the city with him in one arm, gun in the other, but honestly, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche just seems excited that Bucky is holding him. The dog probably thinks that this is a fun field trip for the two of them, rather than a terrifying, life-or-death experience for the citizens of New York City.

Steve offered to hold him, but Bucky had basically snarled at him.

“How’re we gonna get him down here?” Bucky asks, seemingly flustered for the first time since this battle began. They’ve gotten most of the ravens, but their master seems perfectly content to flail his arms like a bird up there.

“Guess we’ll need to go to him,” Steve says. Bucky groans. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche pants. It’s how things typically are.

**…**

Luckily, Sharon arrives minutes later in (what is probably a stolen, but Steve doesn’t mind) flying car, courtesy of  SHIELD. She flies them up, and for the first time Jacques-Ignace de la Touche looks a little nervous. As they fly upwards, he tries to burrow himself into the leather of Bucky’s tactical vest. Thinking Steve isn’t looking, Bucky strokes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s head with two fingers, and even though they’re in the middle of a fight, Steve really wishes he had his phone on him so he could take a picture.

“Leave Jacques-Ignace de la Touche with Sharon,” Steve says as they fly closer. The guy can see them now, and his arms are waving even more wildly. Steve can see a flock of the evil ravens begin to congregate behind him, and sighs. “This probably isn’t the best place for him.”

Bucky looks at Steve with wide eyes before looking down to Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. “You be good for Sharon,” he says. They’re looking straight into each other’s eyes with a fierce intensity which, alright, Steve is somewhat jealous of.

Bucky passes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to Sharon. “Take care of him,” he says before _jumping out of the fucking car_.

Steve swears, and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips as they watch Bucky dive onto the bird guy and tackle him.

They start hurtling towards the ground, but before Sharon can turn the car around, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche leaps from Sharon’s grasp. Which is just great, because not only is Steve’s boyfriend possible raven meat, but the dog of the Sorcerer Supreme is joining him. Today sucks. He should’ve let Daredevil handle this.

And then Jacques-Ignace de la Touche curls into a ball and begins emitting a golden light from his fur.

“What the—“ Sharon begins, but is cut off by Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s yip. A yip so magnified and loud that the sound waves shake the car. Sharon yells something to Steve, but he ignores it, leaning over the edge of the convertible to stare at what’s going on below him, because it’s absolutely insane.

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is floating now, his strange golden aura expanding to cover Bucky and the raven guy. They stop moving, suspended in the air. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips again, and Bucky separates from the raven man. He drifts in a cloud of gold back to the car, where he settles gently into Steve’s side before the gold wisps dissipate. Bucky heaves in a large breath. “What?” he asks, looking around, frantic.

“It’s Jacques-Ignace de la Touche,” Steve responds, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders and pulling him in close. He hadn’t realized just how fast his heart had been racing.

And then Bucky pulls away, half-standing to look over the side of the convertible. “Jacques-Ignace de la Touche?” he asks, panicked. “What the hell is goin’ on?”

Steve wishes he could answer that, but frankly, he can’t.

Meanwhile, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is glowing even more now, eyes turning black as coal. With a great yip, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche seems to explode, raining down fiery gold sparkles onto the raven man, who begins screaming in agony. The gold barrier disappears, and the charred Raven man begins to fall to the street below. Meanwhile, Bucky screams, “Jacques-Ignace de la Touche!” before looking to Steve, helpless and terrified.

Steve stares at Bucky, completely at a loss of how to console Bucky for the explosion of a beloved Pomeranian that didn’t even belong to them. “I—“ he begins, but is stopped by a flash of gold light in front of him, then the small dog that drops onto the carseat between them.

Bucky’s eyes grow wide as he takes in Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, who is panting and staring at Bucky with a wagging tail. Steve is sure that if Jacques-Ignace de la Touche could speak, he’d be asking casually for a treat, as if he didn’t just sort of explode in front of their eyes. Then all at once, tears start pouring from Bucky’s eyes, and he grabs up Jacques-Ignace de la Touche and holds him close to his chest. “You dumb fuckin’ dog,” he says as Steve and Sharon share an uncomfortable giggle, and the swarm of ravens all drop to the ground at once, seemingly dead along with their master.

“Would you mind taking us home?” Steve asks. “I think that dog needs a treat.”

**…**

Sam never quite gets over the fact that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche can keep up with Steve on a run when he can’t.

“A Pomeranian?” he asks as Steve heads over to the tree he’s sitting under, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche at his heels. “C’mon, that’s not fair.”

“Probably not,” Steve says with a shrug.

After the incident at the Chrystler Building, Steve managed to convince Doctor Strange to let him and Bucky keep Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. Well, really Jacques-Ignace de la Touche did the convincing, what with threatening to explode when Doctor Strange tried to take him from Bucky’s arms. Since then, Steve’s gotten used to having the little guy in their life. While Jacques-Ignace de la Touche obviously still prefers Bucky, he seems to like exerting a bit of his magical powers on a daily run with Steve. Bucky likes it too—Steve’s stopped pestering him to wake-up at the crack of dawn to go running together.

“You headed home?” Sam asks as Steve helps him up.

“Nah,” Steve says. “Heading over to the dog park. Bucky’s meeting us there.” Jacques-Ignace de la Touche perks up at the mention of Bucky’s name, little tail wagging.

“Man, the two of you have that in common,” Sam says, rolling his eyes.

“What?” Steve asks, looking down to Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, then back up at Sam.

“That whole perking up thing whenever Bucky is mentioned. It’s pretty gross.”

Steve grins, then bends down to pick Jacques-Ignace de la Touche up. “Then we both have good taste, don’t we, boy?” Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips in response, then licks the end of Steve’s nose.

Who knew dog sitting would bring him so many good things.


	2. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Likes Bucky Best (Duh)

> Anonymous asked: Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is the most amazing original character that has ever existed in fic tbh, I would read an unlimited amount of words about Steve and Bucky's adventures with him even if they only consisted of the 3 of them sitting on a couch while Bucky pets Jacques-Ignace de la Touche's head, with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche growling whenever Steve tries to make ~advances

OMG THANK YOU. I love Jacques-Ignace de la Touche I want Marvel to make a comic about him where he saves the goddamn _universe_.

And I don’t want people to get the wrong idea about Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. He likes Steve. Steve is fine. He’s not as great as BUCKY (or Natasha, or Sam) but he is much better than Tony Stark, who Jacques-Ignace de la Touche thinks smells. But Steve is strong, and sometimes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche gets worried that he’s hurting his Bucky.

(Also sometimes Bucky isn’t petting Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to pet Steve, and that’s not fair because Jacques-Ignace de la Touche wants Bucky to be petting _him_.)


	3. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche and the Boop

> ANONYMOUS ASKED: how often does bucky boop Jacques-Ignace de la Touche i must know

ALL THE TIME. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE TIME. Bucky wakes-up disheveled, with bed head, and scratching his tummy. And he can only barely walk to the kitchen to start the coffee maker. But as soon as Jacques-Ignace de la Touche scampers over (Jacques-Ignace de la Touche wakes-up with Steve, much earlier), Bucky forgets that he’s tired and grumpy and needs coffee and he kneels down to Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s level and looks at him. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche looks back at his Bucky, and after a moment of intense eye contact, Bucky boops Jacques-Ignace de la Touche straight on the nose with his metal hand. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips, and Bucky gives him a pat on the head, then gets up and goes back to being grumpy and tired.

And Steve watches in awe at the walking dorks that are his hubby and their dog.


	4. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is Very Cute

> Anonymous asked: what is the most embarrassingly cute thing steve has caught bucky doing with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche and did he get it on camera

You say this assuming that Steve doesn’t think that everything the nerds do is adorable? So adorable that he kind of wants to claw his own face off because  _how is it so cute_? The booping. The Hawaiian shirt (though thankfully, Bucky doesn’t dress Jacques-Ignace de la Touche up regularly–that may actually be too embarrassing for Steve to handle). The way Bucky thinks he’s surreptitiously feeding Jacques-Ignace de la Touche pieces of the prime rib Steve cooked for them, but being super obvious about it.

Though Steve doesn’t need to document any of it –- Bucky has an Instagram.

But the thing Steve thinks he likes best are the nights when he has to work late, saving the world, or just getting rid of a mild nuisance, and he gets home to see Bucky sleeping on the couch, book draped over his chest, and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche keeping watch from on top of Bucky’s tummy. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche starts panting when Steve comes in, almost like he’s warning him that Bucky is sleeping, and that he should be quiet, and not wake him, because Bucky sleeping is a precious thing.

Sometimes Steve thinks Jacques-Ignace de la Touche understands a lot more than he lets Bucky onto.

(There was also the time that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche peed on Antonin Scalia’s head. That’ll always be Steve’s favorite memory of Jacques-Ignace de la Touche.)


	5. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche's Farts Smell Like Freshly Baked Cinnamon Buns

> gardengnostuck said: 
> 
> Most poms need regular grooming thanks to all that fluff, but not Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. He hasn’t had a bath in months and his fur smells like rosemary and what you might imagine the color gold to smell like.

> So despite not needing baths or brushing, he still really likes brushies. Bucky brushies are the BEST. Ignace once melted a tub when the bath water was too cold.

I’M SCREAMING OH MY GOD.

But you forgot about Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s farts, which smell like freshly baked cinnamon buns.

But while Jacques-Ignace de la Touche doesn’t necessarily _need_  cleaning, he  _loves_  being pampered. There’s nothing like sitting down on Bucky’s lap and feeling him brush through his golden fur, all that attention focused on Jacques-Ignace de la Touche!

And the bathtub was… An unfortunate incident. There’s only one thing that Jacques-Ignace dislikes more than not being petted by Bucky at any given moment, and that’s being cold. And _someone_  (Steve) doesn’t understand that gentle Poms need warm baths!

 


	6. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Will Only Travel in Couture

> Anonymous asked: Bucky totally buys a ~man bag~ to hide Jacques-Ignace de la Touche in when he goes to places where dogs aren't allowed. Where dogs are allowed, he obviously carries Jacques-Ignace de la Touche in his arms because they both like that the most

SCREAMING.

I actually think that it’s a bit of a necessity that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche stays close to Bucky when they’re outside. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche can float, and he likes to remind Steve and Bucky of that whenever they’re outside of the apartment. He’s usually good on walks (because pooping includes gravity, and not even Jacques-Ignace de la Touche likes to poop from three feet above ground) but when they’re hanging out, it’s easier for Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to be at eye level with Bucky!! Except, y’know, for the public scene it causes.

Steve and Bucky try a few things to solve the problem: the shorter leash just caused Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to run at lightning speed around Steve’s legs and trip him and the little stroller they got meant he couldn’t actually see Bucky, which meant he burned a hole through the stroller’s top, which maybe got a little out of hand, and Steve calm down, the burns were barely anything!

So it works out best if Bucky uses _the purse_. He takes the name with pride when Tony says what everyone is thinking one night in Stark Tower. “Whatever Stark,” Bucky says, hiking the bag up on his shoulder. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche pops his head out, nudges Bucky’s side and yips before licking Bucky’s arm. Purse be damned, it’s nice to have his dog at his side.


	7. Surprisingly, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Has a Sad Backstory

> Anonymous asked: Bucky booping and/or cuddling Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is a better incentive for him to do things than dog treats are

GOING TO GET INTO A LITTLE OF JACQUES-IGNACE DE LA TOUCHE’S SAD BACKSTORY FOR A SEC.

Because yeah, this is totally and completely true. Bucky is so gentle with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. He pets Jacques-Ignace de la Touche and brushes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s fur. Bucky feeds Jacques-Ignace de la Touche every day, and makes sure to have Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s favorites on hand. And even though Bucky and Steve save the world, they never ask for Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to hurt anybody. Excepting the short time he was with Doctor Strange, nobody has never not wanted Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to hurt people.

So that’s why a boop on the nose or a restful nap on Bucky’s lap is the best reward Jacques-Ignace de la Touche can get. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche loves loving Bucky and loves being loved in return.


	8. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Will Not Allow Bucky to have a Bad Day

> Anonymous asked: Hello. I've had a rather bad day and was hoping, if you have some time, for a little ficlet, or a few headcanons even, of everyone being baffled by how much Jaques-Ignace de la Touche loves Bucky, or just of Avengers and Steve and Bucky and Jaques-Ignace de la Touche. Thank you!

One morning, Bucky doesn’t boop Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s nose. He wakes-up even later than usual, after Steve’s run and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s poop and breakfast. He shuffles out of the bedroom, hair messy, wearing pajama pants and a tank top. This in of itself isn’t unusual, but he looks… emotionless. He doesn’t even look down at Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s wagging tail, doesn’t flinch when he yips and whines at Bucky’s heels. Steve watches Bucky head towards the coffee pot, fills himself a cup and takes a sip without complaining about the taste, or asking how Steve’s run was.

Then he walks back into the bedroom and shuts the door in Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s face.

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche spends a few seconds whining and pawing at the closed door before turning to Steve.

“Don’t look at me,” Steve whispers. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche tootles over to him, begins pawing at his calves and whining. “Hey, hey, I wanna talk to him, too.” Steve feels his voice falling, going soft and sad. It’s been a while since Bucky had a bad day, and Steve had almost forgotten how tough it is to have the door shut on him. “But sometimes it’s better to let him be, let him get some sleep.”

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche follows Steve to the couch, and Steve scoops him up and sets him on his lap. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s tail wags wildly as he runs across Steve’s legs; he doesn’t seem to be able to sit still, and Steve sighs. “Please,” he says, quiet. “We’ve got to be patient, we’ve got to be–”

And then Jacques-Ignace de la Touche begins glowing.

“Shit,” Steve says. “Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, please don’t–”

Too late. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche flys through the room, zooming over to the door to the bedroom. Before Steve is even a foot from the couch, Jacques-Ignace de la Touch burns a loaf-shaped hole through the door, letting himself inside. Quietly swearing, Steve follows, opening the door to the room and opening the door, an apology on his lips when–

When he sees Jacques-Ignace de la Touche hovering quietly next to Bucky’s face, panting and glowing, and obviously waiting for a boop. 

There’s a tense moment, and then Bucky–sitting against the headboard, blue rings underneath his eyes–gently touches Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s nose, whispering, “Boop. Sorry buddy, boop.” A moment later, Bucky’s face is scrunching up, cheeks turning red, tears pouring down his face. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche floats to Bucky’s shoulder and settles down there, Bucky’s arms reflexively reaching up to hold him close and tight. 

Steve looks on, hovering in the doorway, not sure if he’s intruding or not. Bucky’s still crying, chest heaving, and he wants to go over to him. But the door was shut, and Steve’s not sure that he’s wanted, that he’s–

Then Bucky is looking up at him, smiling through his tears as he gently pets Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s back. “C’mere,” he says. “Gotta have both my guys.”

Something warm blooms through Steve’s chest and he makes it to the bed in record time. He climbs next to Bucky and rests his forehead against Bucky’s temple. “I love you,” Steve says quiet and urgent. “I love you, I love you, I–”

“Love you?” Bucky finishes.

“Love you,” Steve affirms, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips in agreement, and Steve thinks that this is a weird family, but it’s his. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

**…**

“Steve?” Bucky asks.

“Yeah?”

“We’re gonna need a new door.”

Steve shrugs, snuggles closer. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is snoozing quietly on Bucky’s lap, and Steve was halfway to dozing himself. “Let’s keep it for a while,” Steve says. “Let’s us make sure Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s always got a way inside.”

Bucky takes a shuddering breath. “This is good,” he says.

“Yeah,” Steve says, resting a hand on Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s back and looking up at Bucky with a smile. “It is.”


	9. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Bonds with Steve

> Anonymous asked: When Bucky isn't around, Steve and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche occasionally have had short conversations about how much they love Bucky. Occasionally because Steve feels crazy talking to a dog, even a brilliant magical one, but of course Jacques-Ignace de la Touche GETS IT

Okay, so Steve thinks that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is a lot smarter than anyone gives him credit for. Like, maybe _too_  smart. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche already has supernatural powers, so what’s to say that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche isn’t somehow supernaturally intelligent? Jacques-Ignace de la Touche seems to understand better than any other dog Steve’s ever met about when Bucky is out of town, or the mood in the room after a particularly long day.

So sometimes when things’re good, and Bucky is dozing on the couch, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche paws over to Steve, sits on his lap and breathes into his face. “Yeah buddy,” Steve says, patting Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s head. “I love him, too.”

It seems silly, but after he says it Jacques-Ignace de la Touche settles and starts to snooze (in the perfect position to make Steve really, really need to pee).


	10. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche's Family Are All Thankful for Each Other, but Especially for Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

> Anonymous asked: soo on thanksgiving how many times does bucky tell Jacques-Ignace de La Touche that he's thankful for him and is it enough times to make steve slightly jealous?

SO MANY TIMES. Bucky is incredibly excited for this Thanksgiving because he’s feeling, well, thankful. That he’s out of hell, and that he has Steve and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, and their little row house in Brooklyn. So he wants to fuss a little. He looks up online what Thanksgiving foods Jacques-Ignace de la Touche and makes him up a little special plate with turkey and green beans and mashed potatoes (with no butter). Jacques-Ignace de la Touche sits below the table and proceeds to get the mashed potatoes all over his little nose, and his tongue can’t quite reach up that high, so Bucky coos and wipes him off as Steve rolls his eyes but secretly smiles.

They watch the dog show together, and of course they root for the Pomeranian to be Best in Show (even if the St. Bernard bounding around the arena seems like the clear winner to Steve), and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips and pants whenever he sees another dog. Which is a lot.

Bucky is pretty vocal throughout the day, trying to tell his boys how much he loves them, and how happy he is that they’re their own little family. If anything, Steve is jealous that Bucky holds on to Jacques-Ignace de la Touche most of the day, giving him a lot of pats and attention, but that’s rectified that night when Bucky presses kisses to the smooth skin of Steve’s chest and tells him that he’s thankful, so thankful, that they’re together again.


	11. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Learns That Vibranium is Hard to Chew

> Anonymous asked: does Jacques ignace de la touche have any bad chewing habits? my friend's chi/minpin mix just chewed through literally all of her VS underwear. hope you feel better soon!

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche hasn’t always been in households who treated him as nicely as Steve and Bucky do, so he knows what he should and shouldn’t chew. When Steve and Bucky first adopted Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, he does get away with a bit of hell though.

That is until Jacques-Ignace de la Touche tries to take a big bite out of Steve’s shield. If he were any other dog, he’d’ve lost a tooth or five. But instead Jacques-Ignace de la Touche just howled a bit in pain and got to be a lot more careful!

(That isn’t to say that Steve and Bucky haven’t lost their fair share of slippers to Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s chomping teeth.)


	12. Cozy Nights Are Perfect With Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

> dinosaurswearingdior asked: fluffy headcanon! Steve and Bucky just cuddling on the couch under a fluffy blanket on Christmas Eve, all the lights off except for their Christmas tree, just super peaceful and cozy together. Ok this is super tame but I love my couch and also Christmas lights in the dark ok

YES THIS. Everything is quiet with the snow falling outside their window. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is snoozing quietly on a little bed they set up for him underneath the tree, and they have a little stack of presents for one another set out. Both promised not to do anything, that having each other was enough, but of course, they’re both goddamn liars. They keep the TV off, but have a record in the phonograph of old Christmas classics -– Bing Crosby, mostly –- and Steve keeps one hand in Bucky’s longish hair, stroking it and massaging his scalp. Bucky leans in close, the wool of his stupid Christmas sweater soft against Steve’s arm. 

And it’s perfect. Maybe quiet. Maybe tame. But perfect.


	13. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Resents Being Compared to Raccoons

> Anonymous asked: Okay so think about Jacques-Ignace de la Touche floating up to Bucky's head so he can rest his head in Bucky's hair and Bucky will be standing straight up and there's this little Pom head on top of his head and if you look at him from the side there's the rest of Jacques-Ignace de la Touche's body trailing along suspended behind his head like this little furry coat blowing in the wind.

Like I don’t even know what I could possibly add to this to make it more perfect. I just want to curl up with this image and snuggle up to it and go to bed thinking about this. But it’s almost like Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is one of those raccoon-fur hats that pioneers would wear, so when this happens Steve whispers, “Davey Crockett” under his breath, and Bucky can’t even bring himself to care because a dog on your head? Now that’s nice and warm on a cold night!


	14. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Makes for a Perfect Christmas Gift

> Anonymous asked: Okay but consider: Steve jokingly puts a bow on his head and flips off the lights and sits under the Christmas tree waiting for Bucky with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche with a little tiara on his head, and at some point Steve falls asleep and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche floats off. And when Bucky comes home he finds Steve sleeping under their Christmas tree wearing the bow and a big ‘TO: BUCKY FROM: STEVE’ sticker on the front of his shirt, and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yipping at him from the top of the tree with his tiara glinting in the light, and Bucky takes a million pictures of his present and their enthusiastic little tree topper and sends them to everyone they know before Steve can wake up and stop him.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I EVER DID TO DESERVE SUCH A PERFECT MESSAGE BUT THIS IS MY CHRISTMAS GIFT AND I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING BETTER.

I think Bucky probably posts the pictures to social media because he can’t help himself, and this is how #jacquesignacedelatouche starts trending!


	15. It Isn't Creepy When Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Watches You Sleep (But it Is Creepy When Steve Does)

> Anonymous asked: I get the feeling that Steve and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche spend a lot of quality time together just quietly loving Bucky. Imagine Bucky waking up one morning to find Steve and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche bonding by creepily watching him while he sleeps. He never noticed before how similar they look when they're looking at him.

Steve is a naturally early riser. Bucky is most definitely not. Steve has quite a few not-so-pleasant memories of literally dragging Bucky’s fancy ass out of bed on time so they could get to work in the morning in 1939. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche wakes up whenever he hears someone who will pay attention to him! Most mornings Steve takes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche out for a super speedy run, but sometimes Steve just takes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche out for a quick bathroom break and brings him with him back into bed. There, Steve just strokes Jacques-Ignace de la Touche and they both wait for Bucky to wake-up. Steve is thinking blueberry pancakes for breakfast, but that can wait until later. For now, he’s just content being with his dog and his boyfriend.

(Bucky wakes-up disheveled because _what the fuck Steve both of you are, like, panting on me_  but feels a little better when blueberry pancakes are promised.)


	16. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is Very Memorable

> foxfireflamequeen asked: Also, top 5 Jacques-Ignace de la Touche moments?

Top 5 Jacques-Ignace de la Touche moments:

(I made up new ones because I can)

  * The time Jacques-Ignace de la Touche zooms into a paparazzi’s camera and knocks it out of their hands, somehow also corrupting the photos of Steve and Bucky nastily making-out behind a bar somehow 
  * Jacques-Ignace de la Touche bites Tony’s ass after he nearly sits on him; everyone laughs except for Tony, who makes Jarvis announce when Jacques-Ignace de la Touche enters a room
  * Thor meets Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, and is immediately enamored with him, and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is excited because they have MATCHING HAIR
  * Everyone thinks Jacques-Ignace de la Touche has an Infinity Stone for a hot second, but then Jacques-Ignace de la Touche woofs and everyone decides that it’s probably pretty safe with him
  * Boops. So many boops.




	17. Tuxedoes Suit Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

> firefoxflamequeen asked: Happy birthday! I don't know what present to give you except asking you to imagine Jacques-Ignace de la Touche as the ring bearer at Steve and Bucky's wedding (whenever they decide to follow through on -planning- to get hitched) in a little tux he later refuses to take off. He sits at their feet while they says their vows and Bucky gets so happy that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche freezes time so Bucky can keep staying that happy. Doctor Strange has to work pretty hard to unfreeze it again.

They were like, torn on whether or not to invite Doctor Strange, but in the end they’re _super glad_ they did because as awesomely happy as they are, Bucky had a wedgie that he really needed to pull!

Thanks darling!!


	18. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Loves to Primp And Preen

> Anonymous asked: i am now picturing bucky grooming Jacques Ignace de la Touche and it is lovely

HELLO YES, I am so there for this.

Jacques-Igance de la Touche has to be groomed pretty frequently, and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche only ever wants Bucky to groom him. Steve tried once, tugged at a knot a little too hard, and ended up with a little burn on his hand.

At first Bucky was nervous, not sure how to be gentle enough with his metal hand on the brush or holding Jacques-Ignace de la Touche in place. But with time and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s pure enjoyment, Bucky gets the hang of it. It’s cathartic for Bucky to groom Jacques-Ignace de la Touche after a long day, and there’s nothing that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche likes to do more than relax on Bucky’s lap as he pampers him. Sometimes Bucky grooms Jacques-Ignace de la Touche until they both fall asleep, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche tucked next to Bucky’s side on the couch. Steve will walk in and see them, smile, and go start dinner.


	19. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is Strong and Tough and Loves Bucky Very Very Much

> foxfireflamequeen asked: Okay but now I need to know, does Jacques-Ignace de la Touche mind when Bucky does tug a little too hard at a knot because he can't always feel it there, or when the brush presses a little too hard because that happens sometimes? Or does he love being groomed by Bucky anyway because it's Bucky?

Okay, so Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is only a Pomeranian. There is only so much Jacques-Ignace de la Touche can take. BUT, he tends to be able to take a lot more when it’s Bucky. Sure, sometimes some of Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s fur gets caught between the plates of Bucky’s metal hand. Sure, sometimes Bucky pulls too hard, frustrated with a knot. But when those happens, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche maybe yips a little, or whines. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche may try to move away, or nose at Bucky’s hand a little. Bucky is usually quick on the uptake, apologizing quietly and returning to Jacques-Ignace de la Touche with gentle hands and quiet concentration.

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche knows that Bucky tries his best, and so Jacques-Ignace de la Touche tries to do his best for Bucky. When you love someone, that’s what you do.


	20. No Vacation is Complete Without Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

> Anonymous asked: how is Jacques Ignace de la Touche doing lately?

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is doing very well, thank you for asking!! He’s spent the past few weeks with Steve and Bucky on a road trip to the Grand Canyon. He ate at all sorts of diners and slept in uncomfortable hotel rooms… He sometimes had an accident or two in those unfamiliar places, but Bucky always patted his head and told him it was okay and cleaned it up the best he could before handing the cleaning staff $50.

And it was a little stressful for Steve and Bucky, apparently, when Jacques-Ignace de la Touche got so excited at the Grand Canyon that he decided to float around it for a while. They should have known that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche could smell the the whole time and return when he wanted to! They didn’t need to get a helicopter to find him!!

But it was a nice road trip with a lot of pleasant memories! Especially when Jacques-Ignace de la Touche snuggled up to Bucky (who was snuggled up to Steve) next to a camp fire as they spent the night together in the desert. That was very nice.


	21. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Thinks Blonds Have More Fun

> Anonymous asked: consider: Jacques-Ignace de la Touche magically turning Bucky's hair blonde so that it matches his fur

I’M SCREAMING I’M SCREAMING I’M SCREAMING I’M SCREAMING I’M SCREAMING.

I also think that Bucky screams a little when he first sees it. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche hovered over his head for most of the night – which is, all things considered, not that unusual – but was settled next to his side by the time he wakes up. He’s always groggy, and he just sort of shlumps into the shower. He wakes up a little more in there, running it so hot that it’s almost scalding. It’s one of Bucky’s small pleasures now, hot showers.

When he gets out, he wraps a towel around his waste, yawns, and wipes off the condensation. 

That’s when he screams.


	22. Steve Appreciates that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Made Their Family Blond

> Anonymous asked: ok but does steve laugh at the hair or is he into it or both

Steve was still sleeping while Bucky was in the shower, but once he yells, he’s up in an instant. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is, too, and buzzes through the door, leaving a burning dog-shaped hole in the middle of it. Steve heads in moments later, pulling the door of its hinges.

“What the _fuck_?” Bucky asks, staring at his boyfriend. His dog is back to floating around his head, looking blissful and happy. “You pulled the door off. I thought we had talked about this!”

“You were screaming!” Steve says, defensive. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Knock like a–”

“Bucky,” Steve interrupts, lips curling into a smile. “Your hair?”

“Don’t say a word,” Bucky says. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche quits sniffing around to land gently on Bucky’s head.

“You match,” Steve says, trying to restrain his laughter.

Bucky turns back to the mirror, eyes wide. “Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, what did you _do_?” 

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips happily, snuffling into Bucky’s hair.

“Jacques-Ignace de la Touche looks like a toupee,” Steve says. “Guess you don’t need to worry about inheriting your pa’s receding hairline.”


	23. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche Creates Another Jacques-Ignace de la Touche by Accident and Expels Him From Earth

> Anonymous asked: hi. i love your writing and i am having the worst mental health day i've had in like 5 months. i was wondering if you could post any fluffy headcanons from either jacques ignace de la touch verse or bucky barnes: former disney channel star (i'd also take headcanons from both lol). i understand if you're busy or not feeling up to it <3 also i'm so jealous of your puppy

  * Jacques-Ignace de la Touche actually gets a little upset when he realizes that Bucky is upset about the hair. He whines and noses at it, and when Bucky realizes that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is upset, he sucks it up and says that he loves the hair. Then he goes out in public with it, and Tony mocks him mercilessly.
  * Jacques-Ignace de la Touche’s favorite food is cream puffs. He’s not a regular dog, so dietary restrictions don’t apply to him in the same way. Sometimes he’ll go out when Steve and Bucky are sleeping and steal cream puffs from the neighborhood bakery. He does, however, remember to take some money there as well.
  * Steve sometimes wakes up and wonders why there is a small hoard of cream puffs under his and Bucky’s bed. He then remembers that his life is strange, and he probably shouldn’t question it.
  * Once while on their run, a paparazzi accosts Steve and acting like a real jerk. Steve is too polite to tell him off, so Jacques-Ignace floats on over to the guy and pees on his camera. It turns into cream puffs.
  * Once at the dog park, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche goes through a portal to an alternate universe where he meets Daisy and Asset [from Bucky Barnes: Former Disney Channel Star]. They get along very well, but Jacques-Ignace de la Touche much prefers his Bucky and his Steve to the Bucky and Steve he meets there.
  * Once Jacques-Ignace de la Touche accidentally animates a small pile of his fur laying on the ground after Bucky groomed him, and it becomes a very very small Jacques-Ignace de la Touche. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche doesn’t want competition for Steve and Bucky’s attention, so he tells the smaller Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to fly black to their home planet and tell everyone that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is doing very well. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche hasn’t heard from the smaller Jacques-Ignace de la Touche since… Just as planned.




	24. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is Best at Murder

> Anonymous asked: i'm a bit obsessed with jacques ignace de la touche. question: if bucky were to get seriously injured to the point of being unconscious or in a coma how would jacques ignace de la touche react? would he be able to participate in healing him or just have to cuddle with steve for comfort

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is a rational Pomeranian.

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche does not get angry easily.

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche dislikes violence.

But if someone touches his Bucky, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is going to do what he does best: murder.

(Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is second-best at snuggling!)

Take, for example, the time that Bucky tells Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to stay in Avengers Tower while he and Steve go out and fight a monster. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche tries to tell Bucky that he should take Jacques-Ignace de la Touche with him, but Bucky misinterprets the yipping because Bucky can’t speak dog. (Sam can speak a dialect of bird that’s close enough, but doesn’t translate to Steve and Bucky because it comes out more jumbled than a student’s Google Translated Latin homework.) So Bucky boops him, promises that he’ll be back soon, and leaves Jacques-Ignace de la Touche behind.

Jarvis – who speaks a much more passable version of dog – pulls up a screen showing the fight for Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to watch. So Jacques-Ignace de la Touche sees when the monster grabs Bucky in its massive hand, hoists him up, and tosses him against a skyscraper. 

Iron Man catches Bucky before he falls to the ground, but it’s close. The Avengers stop the singular monster, but not their leader, who escapes. 

When Bucky comes back to the Tower, he’s still in Iron Man’s arms, and he’s not awake.

Jarvis opens the doors to the hospital before Jacques-Ignace de la Touche can burn through them.

“Jacques-Ignace de la Touche?” Steve says from where he stands next to Bucky’s unconscious form. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips. “He got hit, buddy. He’s–”

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche yips louder. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche knows what happened, and hearing Steve blame himself for something that isn’t his fault will only waste time.

Jacques-Ignace de la Touche floats over to Bucky, plopping on top of him. Bucky doesn’t grunt, or swat him off, or boop his nose. Bucky just breathes. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche gets to work licking his wounds. He only gets to a few before Steve grabs him and says, “Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, that’s not sanitary.”

If Jacques-Ignace de la Touche could roll his eyes, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche would roll them. 

But Jacques-Ignace de la Touche licked enough of Bucky’s wounds, so he wiggles out of Steve’s arms and zooms away.

He got the scent of the Bad Guy off of Bucky, and follows it through the city with ease. He ends up on Staten Island. Ten minutes after that, the Bad Guy is burnt to a crisp, along with his monster friends, and Jacques-Ignace de la Touche has blood on his muzzle. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche _hates_  having blood on his muzzle: it tastes awful, and it takes forever to wash it out. 

He levitates the Bad Guy back with him to Avengers Tower and into the hospital, and drops the corpse of the Bad Guy at Steve’s feet.

Steve stares, wide-eyed. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche thinks he probably should have spent more time cleaning of his muzzle.

Even so, Jacques-Ignace de la Touche ignores Steve and floats up to rest on top of Bucky. He’s already looking less pale, the healing licks doing their job. Ten minutes later, Bucky opens his eyes. Fifteen minutes later, Bucky is upright, one hand petting Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, the other holding Steve’s.


	25. Bucky is Very Gentle with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

> foxfireflamequeen asked: Does Bucky ever get mad at/upset with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche? What happens when Jacques-Ignace de la Touche has been a very bad Pom?

Part of me wants to be like, “YEAH HE GETS MAD AND THINGS TO DOWN,” but actually… no. Yeah, there are moments where Jacques-Ignace de la Touche doesn’t act perfectly, but Bucky understands that Jacques-Ignace de la Touche is a Pomeranian. Jacques-Ignace de la Touche doesn’t always understand why pooping on the carpet is a bad thing. He just tries to be patient and loving, and to take Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to more obedience classes.


	26. Not Everyone Knows What to Do with Jacques-Ignace de la Touche

> Anonymous asked: Jacques-Ignace de La Touche travels in time and meets pre-war stevebucky?

I have to admit that I think both of them would take one look at Jacques-Ignace de la Touche, then look at each other, and then take Jacques-Ignace de la Touche to the police station because neither wanted to be accused of stealing some uptown lady’s fancy dog. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you like what you see here, consider following me at whtaft.tumblr.com. If you're interested in seeing these tidbits mixed with lots of pictures of Pomeranians, you can go to my Jacques Ignace de la Touche tag!


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